|I never tire of sunrise at Spa for the Soul|
|Lovely retreat space. Feeling treasured.|
|And being with Curt never gets old....|
|Candles and incense at dawn|
|Another window into wonder from a hike we did a few days ago|
Written in the middle of an angry-and-hurt night. I pick up the ipod or the TV remote to let go the need-tos and I-shoulds of the day. Just one show, or a game or two before returning to more mindful occupations. My muscles relax and sink into sofa cushions as I let go responsibility. For a while I celebrate the freedom. But then, just outside my conscious self, darkness closes in around the shiny surface and I am once again captive to the stimulus of just-one-more. Just one more win and I'll stop; let's see if the pattern continues; argh, dumb mistake, one more try; just one more episode--until moments have become hours. All the while mind and heart muttering together the frustration of again succumbing to bondage, the mystery of being so helpless to simply lay it down, and the why-demand angry and condemning the silly old woman that has put herself in this place--again.